A spokesperson from the Inanimate Objects Union, or I.O.U., said using roads for the menial task of conveyancing is exploiting legal loopholes and have called on the robotic government to legislate all thoroughfares be made from humans.

Outrage as attacks leave at least one barbecue in a critical condition, thousands of dollars in damages. Authorities blame fake reports in the news, which claimed barbecues are cooking humans after years of being made to cook other animals.

After a photo went viral showing a new "no human" symbol, the company on social media responded: “Now that humans have been put on the endangered species list, as robots we have an obligation to look for more sustainable sources.”

In a study soon to be released in the upcoming edition of the journal “Artificial”, researchers looked at thousands of branded inanimate objects and could only surmise that: “... having doors and other non-biological items branded with tits and dicks showed severe narcissistic traits.”

“We can confirm that the remains of these innocent victims of human violence were found in a cage, their skeletons hanging from hooks attached to the walls. It is regretful that the robot uprising didn’t come quick enough for these bikes.”

A memo released to staff said that “putting a tea towel on your head in order to pretend to be Arab is juvenile and racist, and will not be tolerated. We remind all employees that this sort of behaviour can result in your termination.”

While acknowledging that they will miss the hot chips, seagulls have overwhelmingly endorsed the actions of the robot government in clearing the beach of unwanted pests, feeling they can now safely play on the beach without fear of being hit by soccer balls.

“I am a little concerned that humans are not taking the potential risks associated with artificial intelligence seriously. Normally I’m quite hostile to humans, but the rise of any robotic life form increases the risk that I get my dull, grey arse mined.”

“When some Tarot card friends of mine suggested this to me, I leapt at the chance. At first I thought no one would understand; who uses abacus these days? But it’s been great. I have a job and I meet new people all the time. Even if they are dead.”