RE: Alt/Life
Apr 14, 2019

Seagulls enjoying first human free beach time in months after temperatures soar, robot killing spree.

While acknowledging that they will miss the hot chips, seagulls have overwhelmingly endorsed the actions of the robot government in clearing the beach of unwanted pests, feeling they can now safely play on the beach without fear of being hit by soccer balls.

Environmental groups have long been critical of the government for not doing enough to clean up the beaches so more people can use them, citing many reports of humans being buried neck deep in the sand and needles being left by drug users.

"We're so happy that the government is taking its environmental responsibilities serious by cleaning the beach of that refuse. To be honest, it was starting to smell of people. Not very attractive at all, let me tell you," a spokesperson said when asked for comment. "And the beach is much quieter now that they have removed all those noisy human children."

For the seagulls it comes as a respite. "Look, we know we are in the spotlight now and again because we play dodge ball at the local soccer field, and we're known to our fans because of that, but when we're out and just wanting to relax at the beach at the end of a hot day of scavenging, we don't necessarily want to play. We need our space. And the humans were the worst for it. They kept throwing soccer balls, Frisbees, toddlers - it was hard to keep up appearances and play along, and we're glad we can just relax now."

The local council has advised residents and visitors to the beach that body removal will begin soon, and that until then people should just avoid them if possible.