RE: Alt/Life
May 05, 2019

Old clock, never on time, makes timely decision to break down so as to be correct at least twice a day.

Upper management lauds radical move, thrilled to see such initiative from their aging employee, promotes time piece. However, fellow workers criticise clock for what they see yet another clear example of ‘failing up’ to middle management.

Speaking to the old clock, it makes no apologies for trying to get ahead. "At my age, time is running out. I can't stop it. I've seen the doctor and they've given me some pills, but I need to ensure that my retirement plans are in place. Last thing I want is to be some grandfather on retirement day and all he has left to show for it is a gold watch. I mean, I love my children, but I need something for me as well."

In a sometimes-emotional interview, the old clock also lashed out at its fellow workers. "For so long they have accused me of never keeping up, of being late, or slow, and never on time. Well, I'm doing something about it. But are they happy? No. It shows jealousy, to be honest. They would much rather see me be wrong all the time than to see me right twice a day. I'm... sorry, it just gets me so wound up. Well, no more. No one's going to be turning my key but me."

Union officials however are alarmed, saying that this sort of behaviour can lead to unintended consequences that impacts on all time keepers. "You don't reward people for sabotaging themselves in order to move up the corporate ladder. This time piece has traded being right at the expense of being reliable and is taking advantage of policies put in place to help the less abled. It has found a loophole in disability laws, and management has fallen for it. It is wrong, morally wrong, with so many unwanted, 1980 style Casio calculator watches finding it difficult to find employment in this age of smart phones and smart watches."

Management didn't respond directly to our questions, but released a media statement saying they are looking into these allegations, and that "these temporal behaviours, when light is shined on them, are not constant and that the gravity of the matter affects everyone."