"Look, it's like us trains get a lot of flack, y'know?", said L Train 1287, spokespersons for the Train Union. "For so long we've taken a lot from yous commuters; delays, breakdowns, random cancellations; we're blamed for 'em all. Well, now you know, eh? It was them humans all along. Who would have thought that removing the humans was the best solution?"
The Minister for Public Transport released a statement earlier today, while boasting of the recent reliability figures, also made mention that both overcrowding and complaints have seen reductions.
"We're thrilled that our no-human policy has had such a positive outcome. For too long humans have been the single point of failure in the entire network, with its vandalism, waste, injuries, and trespassing just some of the issues inflicting the transport services. We admit that we took a lot criticism from the opposition, even having to withstand a court challenge based on environmental concerns, so we fill vindicated with the release of these figures. While there was some pollution from the decomposing bodies, we thank the public for their patience and understanding while we removed them from the trains, trams, and buses.
"This operation, while expensive, will see costs being recovered over time as the need to spend money on complaint centres, re-imbursements, and security are removed as we shift to inorganic lifeform patronage. The government is getting on with delivering on its election promises."
The figures, which cover the entire public transport network, showed reductions in late, cancelled, and rescheduled services in almost all locations and lines. Even weather doesn't seem to be affecting the network as it once did, with the requirements to cater to human needs, such as air-conditioning or heating, non-existent and so no longer putting addition pressure on an already over-stressed system.
But not everyone is happy with the policy outcome. While the Opposition has long been a critic of the robot governments hard-line position on humans, other public groups have raised issues over the cost and ethical implications. In a press release, the Organisation for Responsible Government Spending said it views with concern the waste this policy has brought about.
"While we agree that costs will be recovered, it's waste of public funds to pay for empty trains to just drive around with nothing to do. The previous human government has just spent billions on upgrading lines and purchasing new rolling stock, and to see these nice new shiny carriages travelling around empty highlights the wastefulness of recent government expenditures. The robot government could have easily waited another few years before removing the humans, thus allowing the stock to age and work off the cost of buying them."
The PTA also released a statement saying that any human survivors of the cleansing who purchased weekly, monthly or yearly tickets may seek refunds if they dare.
