RE: Alt/Life
Mar 27, 2019

University campus bins queue up to receive diplomas, hopes and dreams of students after graduation day.

Recent trends in the rise in underemployment of those with a university degree has also resulted in a dramatic increase of bins scavenging around university grounds after graduation day, prompting fears of a plague say researchers.

What once was considered a quirk of university life is turning into an indicator of the health of the economy as garbage bins are seen in greater numbers on university campuses after graduation. At first glance, many have thought of it as just a natural increase due to increases in student intakes, but new studies suggest their rising numbers has a much more troublesome origin.

Based on data gathered from several universities, environmental-economists have seen evidence of a direct link between low full-time employment rates of university graduates and these campus bins. Campus bins, first introduced into the university grounds last century to deal with the party popper and streamer infestations that occurs around graduation, were originally thought to be at risk of dying out due to the poor economy limiting the availability of party supplies. But nature always finds a way, and the bins have discovered a near endless food source in the thrown-out diplomas of students who find that their education doesn't match up with working life.

"It's a fascinating example of an inorganic lifeform rapidly adapting to changing economic conditions", said the lead scientist. "We were fully expecting the current shitty economy to negatively impact on the survival of these bins as people could no longer afford streamers and other celebratory devices, but the opposite is true as the bins have managed to find nourishment off the other lifeform negatively impacted by weak job growth: university students."

Researchers also raised a warning with the Federal Government as this new source of food could lead to the bins' population rising to plague proportions should the economy slide into recession. If that were to happen, the researchers fully expect to see older college graduates also throwing out their degrees, and just like mice during a bumper grain crop, the garbage bins will have enough food to sustain a much larger population.

"The government needs to be aware that it's not just peoples' lives at risk should they fail to lift the economy. A national epidemic of uncontrolled university bin populations also threatens our way of life as the unemployed throw away their dreams due to living pressures. It may be a new ecosystem, but it's impact on us all is very real."

However, in true scientific form, this link has raised more questions than answered. "What we are not sure about is if these bins are parasitic in nature, or if there's a symbiotic relationship where students and bins both benefit. Further study will help clear this up."